Thursday, December 03, 2009

Recent Email from My Mom

Hello,

I'm writing this with tears in my eyes,i came down here to London,England for a short vacation and i got mugged at gun point last night at the park of the hotel where i lodged all cash,credit cards and cell were stolen off me.

I am even owing the hotel here,the hotel manager won't let me leave until i settle the hotel bills now am freaked out. So i have limited access to emails for now, please i need you to lend me some money so i can make arrangements and return back I am full of panic now,the police only asked me to write a statement about the incident and directed me to the embassy,i have spoken to the embassy here but they are not responding to the matter effectively, I will return the money back to you as soon as i get home, I am so confused right now.i wasn't injured because I complied immediately.

I await your quick response.

Regards,

Mom

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Time Travel is Hard

INT. CAESAR'S PALACE SPORTSBOOK, LAS VEGAS, OCTOBER 27, 1985

Tim (internal): Of all the years I could have ended up in, it just had to be 1985. It couldn't have been '86? Everyone knows the Mets won that year, Buckner and all that bullshit. Cardinals vs. Royals. Ugh. Cardinals have won the World Series a lot of times, they must have won this time too, right? Or maybe I should go all counterintuitive, pick the underdog. I wish my iPhone worked here. Just trust your ESPN Classic-trained mind Tim. Have they ever shown a Royals game on that channel? Did you know ANY Royals fans growing up? If they had won a World Series, there definitely would have been some bandwagon kids in George Brett jerseys. Yep, gotta be the Cardinals.

Tim (to teller): I'd like $20,000 on the Cardinals to win Game 7 tonight.

INT. TIM'S PARENTS' APARTMENT, NEW YORK, NOVEMBER 8, 2009

Tim (to his parents):
You are not gonna BELIEVE what happened to my trust fund!