Friday, January 22, 2010

Ask a SeamlessWeb About Us Description

Dear SeamlessWeb About Us Description,

My son is being picked on in gym class because he hasn’t scored a single goal yet in the hockey unit. I told him not to worry because he’s getting straight A’s in math, and sports won’t be as big a deal later in life. But he’s only 13 and he can’t understand that right now. To make matters worse, I’m a single mother, so he has no father figure to teach him how to take a slap shot. How should I handle the situation?

-Worried in Wasilla

Dear Worried,

Upon entering Metro Deli, each diner will immediately fall in love with the ambience and friendly atmosphere that the staff creates. Prepared right before your eyes, the food is extremely fresh, hot and tasty. From the main dishes to the salad bar, the servings are plentiful and the options are diverse, making this meal one of the best deals you can find in Midtown, or the entire city for that matter.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Best Recent Top Chef-Related Dream I've Had

I'm in the final four, working out of the tiny kitchen of my childhood. I screw everything up by not cooking enough food and having trouble plating. I exit the kitchen to see that my mom is a guest judge and she's very disappointed in me.

Famous Last Words of a...

...54-year-old Comedian who has just had his eyes jabbed out by a red hot poker while making a joke about Jerry Orbach's Eye Bank advertisement: Isn't it eye-ronic?!

...37-year-old Concert Pianist with a treble clef fetish: Treble Clef, light of my life, fire of my loins. Tre. Ble. Clef. Plain Tre on a clarinet. Treble in a trumpet's morning routine. Clef to her friends. But always Treble Clef on my sheet music.

...10-month-old Praying Mantis after having sex: A nut is a nut is a nut.