Monday, December 29, 2008

Times are tight

Two nights ago I dreamt of Lil' Wayne trying to mug me on 7th street between 1st and 2nd avenues (across from Caracas). He argued with me that it would be good for my street cred with my friends if he mugged me. I could say that I "ran with Weezy." I was smiling and just about to hand over my money when I woke up.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The only proper way to use a semicolon

asdlf;kjasdl;fjksadl;fjsda;lfjksdl;kfjasdkl;fjl;askj fal;sdjasl; fjasdkl; fjasdkl; fj

Monday, December 15, 2008

Kalie Kadue

The main course of the meal and a perfect pun, the title of this post was both a challenging and rewarding experience. Prepared by Katie, along with her most accomplished sous-chef Beneficent Allah, the entire menu at Flatiron 18 last night was anything but ordinary, a generous introduction into a new culinary world for the brothers Berger.

The meal opened raw. Oysters, quail eggs, seaweed, and squash seeds. Seaweed is a staple of the macrobiotic hybrid cuisine we consumed and quail eggs should be a staple of any cuisine. The spotted spheroids were a perfect complement to the oysters either slurped separately or as something akin to a more sophisticated version of horseradish sauce. Deux entremets followed, both from the radish family. The bright and bitter watermelon variety led off, before giving way to the doux daikon, another staple and the more refreshing of the two.

After sipping some ginger-infused Black Label with spiced tea, it was onto the hearty entree, Kalie Kadue. A kabocha stew featuring dinosaur kale and three types of mushrooms, this was fall cuisine at its finest. The kabocha was the star, offering tender and sweet orange flesh at every bite, but the range of textures was critical to the dish's overall success.

It was then, with the boys' energy flagging, that Katie outdid herself with the most memorable dish of the night: Pomegranate with Shaved Adderall. Eat your heart out David Chang. It was like something off the pharmacist's version of the legendary Chinese-only menus in Chinatown. If he ever gets a table, Frank Bruni will be buzzing about this one. Pour plus que ca, you need a doctor's note.

Finally, time for dessert. This time it was squash the hard way, a hollowed out acorn squash filled with pickled chestnuts infused with cranberry juice and other berries. The chestnuts were a treat and I carved out the squash like it might be mon dernier repas (even though I wished it were a little softer...Katie warned us it was from WhoFo rather than GreenMark).

An aperitif, a lengthy discussion of the importance of eating habits, and an abbreviated Bach etude later it was time to depart. Now I'm not about to go macro on vous, but I greatly enjoyed the experience and had my most regular BM in weeks. Take from that what you will.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Can't wear skinny ties cause my knots too thick

Really, that's all I wanted to say. Although I did purchase a regular (non-piano key) necktie today.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

How desperate I am for content sometimes

This past weekend I went up to Harvard and saw my good old pal Nick. He is now at Harvard Law and thus is in a section with a ton of people from Yale and Harvard. They all had a silly e-mail exchange and one thing I saw in there was this article about Yale vs. Harvard. I remembered that I was quoted in it and thought that was funny. Turns out that I also thought that was funny 5 months ago.

Monday, November 24, 2008

The Game

This weekend, for the first time in my life, I saw an actual Peruvian pan flute band!


I guess South Park was right and they do exist (and probably protect us in some way).

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Ko

The menu from October 28 (bold = my favorites):

Grape with sea urchin
Biscuit with pepper
Chicharron (pork rind)
Fluke with poppy seeds and butter
Daikon and potato soup with lamb belly
Hen egg with caviar
Egg noodles with mushrooms and broth
Monkfish with sea urchin and broth
Shaved foie gras, lychee, Riesling gelee
Venison with sprouts, celeriac purée
Arnold palmer gelato, mint julep crumble
Pretzel ice cream, fried cheddar, yogurt

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Crazy Water at Whole Foods

It cures everything from arthritis to acid reflux, meaning that Crazy Water is nothing short of a miracle worker (although not the Helen Keller kind). And now you can get it at Whole Foods in Texas, Oklahoma, and Louisiana. Can Union Square be far behind?

Monday, November 10, 2008

At Work (FINALLY!)

Hi, SeamlessWeb.

Hammer (MCHammer) is now following your updates on Twitter.

Check out Hammer's profile here:

    http://twitter.com/MCHammer

You may follow Hammer as well by clicking on the "follow" button.

Best,
Twitter

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Paper Receipts

I find it revolting that I still get these when I buy things like milk. What a waste of paper (and my time)! The default for minor purchases should be no receipt (although you can always ask for one), and the default for bigger purchases that you might actually want to return should be electronic receipts (electronic receipts should be available for all purchases though). These could be e-mailed to each person automatically with an e-mail address that is linked to the person's debit/credit card. If you pay cash, you might have to tell the cashier your e-mail address, but that's still better than having a paper receipt.

If you make a purchase at the Apple Store, they already do this and it's wonderful. How can this not be more widespread? It cuts costs and makes everyone's life easier. In fact, just this past weekend I had to go back to my apartment to get a receipt in order to return something, instead of just being able to show the receipt to someone on my phone.

What the fuck did we win?

Look, I'm happy that Obama won too, but maybe the level of excitement last night was a little over the top? Can someone let me know when I'm getting my Obama prize in the mail?

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Friday, October 31, 2008

Thursday, October 30, 2008

My First Ever Serious "Bleg"

Does anyone own a lobster oven mitt? Or, better yet, two lobster oven mitts? Let me know ASAP.

PS I know that a bleg doesn't work when no one reads your blog.

Update (10/31): Believe it or not, my mom found these for me! As long as there isn't a run on them between now and about 6 o'clock I'm set...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Good Trivia Question

Courtesy of Ken Jennings:

British king George I, as well as most of the Plantagenets, including Richard the Lionheart, were notable for not being able to do what?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

E-mail Etiquette

My name is Richard and I am an ellipsis and parenthetical statement addict. I also like to write in exclusively lower-case letters whenever possible and have been using the abbreviation FYI an alarming amount recently, especially at work. I apologize to anyone that I have harmed or offended on my rampage through your inboxes.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Sorting Google by Date

I often search for technology-related articles on Google (e.g. How many bloggers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? The answer is three. One to do it, one to blog about it, and one to blog about the blog post and then share both posts on Google Reader). The problem is that technology changes rapidly, but Google search results just return whatever articles are most relevant to the keywords entered, regardless of date. So you have issues like searching for "best rss feed reader" and the 8th result is from January 2005! This is useless to me, unless I'm interested in the history of feed readers...Clearly, the published date of results for a search like this is extremely important, but it is completely ignored in standard Google searches.

Amazingly, Google has the date option available in Advanced Search preferences, but has not made this a standard feature...Ilan?

I still shower with Evian

I don't care what kind of misleading headlines Fox News puts up; bottled water like Fred and Fine is really all I can drink/wash my hands with and it always will be.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Ladies first

I've been told recently that my blog simply does not have enough content that appeals to female readers. So here is a post that appeals to what girls love most about the internet:

Part 1: Celebrities!


Part 2: Cute Animals!!


Part 3: Sarah Palin Bashing

Tina Fey does such a good Palin, that at the VP debate I thought Sarah Palin was impersonating Tina Fey! Then I thought better of it when I realized how much she would have had to read up on watch TV to do that. Did I mention that she can see Russia from her house, can't name a single newspaper she reads, and wears lipstick in order to differentiate herself from a pit bull?

Part 4: Exclamation Points!!!!!!!!!!!!

GIRLS, PLEASE DO NOT CLICK ON THIS GAME. (Thanks Ilan)

Monday, October 06, 2008

Change you can believe in

Looks like someone at Facebook reads this blog. Take a look at the new splash page:


There's still too much empty space at the bottom (not pictured), but it's a definite improvement!

(Thanks Tom)

Friday, October 03, 2008

User Interface Crimes: Voicemail Edition

Press 1 to send a numeric page. Press 2 to hear Andy Kaufman read the entirety of The Great Gatsby. Or please wait for the tone.

Do you know a single person who has sent a numeric page in the past 10 years? Ever? Why would phone companies possibly keep forcing callers to waste their time listening to this crap? This is COMPLETELY INSANE. People know to leave a message when they hear the beep. They've only been doing it since the 1990s (look it up, that's a long time ago now) or probably earlier.

Kudos to Tom for literally going straight to the beep, although I'm not quite sure that all of America is ready for that...

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Can we all agree that...

...sharing on Google Reader is the new commenting for blogs?

Monday, September 29, 2008

Grand Strategy

After reading this comment from Glenn Greenwald, I am even more convinced of my theory now than I was a few weeks ago:

The Government begins with demands for absolute power so brazen and absurd that anything, by comparison, seems reasonable. Thus, the law that will be passed does improve on the original Paulson Plan in certain ways -- equity shares under some circumstances, some oversight provisions and mild home-owner protections -- and people thus end up grateful for what is, by any measure, an extreme outcome, all because it's not quite as extreme as what the Bush administration began by demanding.

My theory is about the Sarah Palin "Baby-gate" story and it goes as follows: As much as I want to believe the original meme that it was Bristol Palin, NOT Sarah Palin, who gave birth to Trig Palin, it's not true. In fact, that story was COMPLETELY made up by the Republican spin machine so that when the real story of Bristol Palin's pregnancy came out a couple of weeks later, it would seem much less shocking. Yet another diabolically brilliant move. Respek.

Eyeball to Eyeball

I just had my first chance at a Momofuku Ko reservation. I was in the system at exactly 10:00 AM and had a number of options open for next Sunday night. I blinked and they were gone.

(Full disclosure: I actually had to check my flight home on Sunday and it turns out that I couldn't have made it back in time to eat.)

Sunday, September 28, 2008

BeRiched Update

Yes, I am still hard at work on this series. It's been tough trying to figure how to monetize all the YouTube views I'm getting, but that won't stop me from trying. Check out the latest footage from Steuben Day last week in Central Park:



Now, before you criticize this video for lacking any real content, let it be known that the key concept here was the idea of playing on the meme of people being surprised that what seems like a still photo is actually a video (see here and here).

Also, I looked back at BeRiched at the Great Wall today and saw an amazing comment written by someone who turns out to be a middle school student (at least according to his bio). They grow up so fast these days:

you suck and all your pussy whipped friends and you stole the shity (city badly said) off of south park u suck ass

I hope he has seen the Delino Intro Video too!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Facebook Cold Open

I know that Facebook has some super smart people working for them, but I wonder who thought up the list of things to use Facebook for that is supposed to entice potential new users:

Ok, the first one is perfect, the second one is great too, the third one is "What the fuck?" This is what you are selling to someone who has never used your service? The wording here is terrible. Maybe if it were just a features list that would be fine, but as currently set up, it is completely illogical. Finally, the fourth one should have been worked into the first one somehow because it is essentially a repeat of the same idea.

Oh, and they forgot the fifth one: Spend more time interacting with a person's profile than interacting with that person (better known as "stalking")

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Better Days Already Haunt Me

While sitting in the Upper Deck at Shea Stadium tonight for what might be the last time, enduring yet another horrific Mets loss, one thought kept running through my head:

In a few years, when the robot overlords are killing off all humans, what will their last question for us be? I kept coming back to: "Why do humans enjoy doing 'The Wave' so much?"

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Office

Seeing as how stealing office supplies is basically a national pastime (that I know nothing about), I was wondering if offices purposely buy uncomfortable toilet paper so that no one will take it home? Or do they do it just to torment me (and because it's just that much cheaper)?

Monday, September 22, 2008

Where's the XOXO for the iPhone?

I'll tell you what folks, there is just one unrealistic thing on Gossip Girl: not a single student has an iPhone. This is simply preposterous. I've seen homeless people in New York with iPhones. There must be some crazy feud between Apple and the show's producers. There is some nice love for the Ariel/Liz phone though.

PS: The Dalton lacrosse team was not very good in my day...so that was funny.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Hop Obama

Last night, I tried this new beer that comes from a diverse background and gives great speeches.

Republican Review: This beer is a solid 5.2% NBV (nigger by volume) with some strong Muslim overtones. And I hear that it's gonna take all the rich people's money while letting Iran bomb Israel off the map. Pair it with Working Class Job Killer Ale from Delaware and you've got a 1-2 punch that will leave you drunk enough that you forget to vote.

My review: Tastes great, more filling. A little hoppy.

Sorry I've Been Away

I've been putting together a chest of drawers:

I feel like if you pay at least $500 for something, it should come pre-assembled.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

"My only pleasure is the absence of pain"

That was my thought in the dentist's chair this morning. I would imagine that John McCain knows where I'm coming from.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Be careful what you ship to Great Britain

Prohibitions for Shipping to United Kingdom:

  • Live bees
  • Live queen bees must be accompanied by an import license issued by a UK Government Agricultural Department and a health certificate issued by the appropriate Government Department of the country of origin stating that the bees are free of disease.
Restrictions for Shipping to United Kingdom:
  • Goods made in foreign prisons, except those imported for a non-commercial purpose or of a kind not manufactured in the UK
  • Horror comics and matrices
  • Perishable infectious biological substances
  • Seal skins except those from an accepted source

Monday, September 08, 2008

The Real Thug Life



More info here.

How big is Roger Federer's Garage?

Roger Federer just won the U.S. Open for the fifth straight year. This means that he also won a "free" Lexus (I would assume that this works in the same way as on game shows) for the fifth straight year. And he probably has won other cars at other tournaments and he probably already has an endorsement deal with a different car company, while definitely preferring to drive a DeLorean around Switzerland.

So my question is: What does Federer do with all those cars?

Thursday, September 04, 2008

How can this be real?

That was my first thought when I heard John Rich's masterstroke, "Raisin' McCain" for the first time last night:



My second thought was, "I've seen this before...":



My third thought was, "After you see that brilliant segment, you are going to want to know more about makes C.S. Lewis, Jr. tick. Why he wants Europe to suck a dick, etc..." Enjoy!

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Boring

Is it just me or was the font used in the recap of the last year on Gossip Girl a little dull?

Friday, August 29, 2008

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Google-y Eyes

Check out the zany new picture that shows up for your Google Reader friends who have no photo up yet:


Ilan, did you have something to do with this?

Monday, August 25, 2008

Choice Quotes

"My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists."

-Jean Rostand, French biologist and philosopher

"My rationalism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the rationalists."

-Tom Lehman, American social norm flouter

Editor's Note: Tom still tips cab drivers (sometimes), throws garbage in the trash (less often), and does NOT kill strangers except by not giving them money (his greatest regret).

Friday, August 22, 2008

While you were sleeping (or maybe eating dinner)...

I was busy winning a Geography Bee! Look at me describing why my drawing of Africa is so amazing (notice the Horn of Africa and Madagascar):

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Religion CAN teach us some things

For example (courtesy of TMQ):

Scripture note: The apostle Paul's Letter to the Romans notes at 14:2, "Some believe in eating anything, while the weak eat only vegetables." Obviously Paul never played flag football with [Tony] Gonzalez, one of the NFL's few vegetarians. The translation is from the New Revised Standard Version, endorsed by most biblical scholars. The New International Version, favored by evangelicals, renders the passage as, "One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables." Evangelical translators want being a vegetarian to sound wimpy!

If the above is tl;dr, the short version for most Christians is, "Weak people eat only vegetables" and for evangelicals it is, "People weak in faith eat only vegetables." Show your strength by eating meat.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Watermania X

No one is gonna trick me into drinking tap water. Not even the Wall Street Journal.

Honestly

If you don't use Gmail as your primary e-mail address, I can't take you seriously as a person. The only exception to this is if you have to use a school e-mail address (and even then, you should set that up to forward to your Gmail).

Monday, August 11, 2008

New Term for Losing Money

"A sea monster ate my ice cream!"



I think that this has "I Drink Your Milkshake!" potential...

Hat tip to Ned Vizzini for the video link.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Self-aware without a care

This is trait that I really hate. We all know that you value your time more than you value anyone else's time. Don't ask for a super-complicated wrap, pretend to be surprised about how long it takes, and then fake-apologize to everyone behind you in line while subtly blaming it on the wrap guy. It's really unbecoming of you.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Israel Photos

I know that you have ALL been waiting for these. Please hold your applause until the very end. Thanks.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Spotted on the 3 Train

I am such a sucker for any sort of defacing of ads or official MTA signs in the subway.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Important Question?

When should I stop calling my college roommate my roommate? Did I screw this one up already?

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Back From the Dead

In an incredible turn of events, I had a PressToast sandwich for dinner tonight!

That's right, thanks to the incredible demand (even from Jesse on the West Coast), the new Creperie that replaced PressToast now serves PressToast classics like the Chicken Avocado and House Special. And you can get a Nutella crepe for dessert. They raised the prices ($6 vs. $4), but the taste was just as good as I remembered it.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Marketing

Check out this clever bit of marketing from Amazing Clubs. Notice how they prominently display the fact that they are offering your FREE Shipping with this special e-mail deal (in addition to $10 off). But here's the rub: ALL Amazing Clubs orders have free shipping! So you're not getting anything special here, but by coupling the Free Shipping with $10 off and sending this e-mail, they make you feel like you are getting an even better deal.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

View as Single Page

I know(?) that articles are many pages long for advertising purposes (and maybe to make you feel like you are reading a magazine?), but I would much prefer if all internet articles were on a single page (or at minimum if they ALL had the view as single page option). Clicking through a New Yorker article is something else (luckily they have the single page option).

As an aside, I have become obsessed with using parentheticals in my writing. Is this bad?

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Not an Idle (series of) Questions

When you search for a restaurant on MenuPages, but your search produces no results, this page shows up. If you read the text, you will see that they mention a sample restaurant to search for: Artisanal. My questions are: How many extra views does Artisanal get because it is the sample there? Do they pay for this privilege? Should they pay for this privilege?

I guess this comes down to what each view is worth to the restaurant. My suspicion is that this is just some slightly useful free advertising for Artisanal.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Latest shot fired in the Water Wars

As we discussed nearly a year ago, why would anyone drink tap water when he or she could drink Bling instead?

Cash Cab

If I had just left work a little earlier on Thursday, I could have correctly answered a shout out question on Cash Cab! The question was: Name the Bil Keane comic that is combined with Friedrich Nietzsche quotes to make a popular internet mash up. Here's the answer.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Step 11 on the drive to Woods Hole

Take a look at the photo:

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Then and Now

What I used to think of the Yale party scene:

The NHPD’s lax attitude toward student revelry promotes a significant sub-culture of off-campus partying. Taking advantage of the relatively affordable New Haven real estate market, 15 percent of Yalies pack up and move off-campus. This provides yet another option for the Yale social set, especially after the 2 a.m. last call at local bars and campus parties. “Off campus parties are usually more fun,” says junior Richard Berger. “They’re a little quieter and you can talk to people.” The abundance of affordable housing is also conducive to Greek life. A four-bedroom row house near the Yale campus is in the $250,000 range; three years ago, Sigma Chi, the only Harvard frat to ever own its own house, sold its property for $2.75 million. Frats at Yale have “dirty, big room parties” with “dancing and drinks spilled on you,” says Berger. For Harvard’s frats (or any other fledgling social organization, for that matter), having a sketchy house of their very own will probably always be an unfulfilled, unfeasible fiscal fantasy.
What I now think of the Yale party scene:
"Anything college-related would be the most fun I could ever have. Gimme more," said working stiff Richard Berger.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Dad Joke

Sheldon Silver seems like someone who does not support my interests at all, but his dad sure told a great joke once:

The Sidney Hillman houses, named after the garment-union leader, are among the brick co-op behemoths that dominate the eastern end of Grand Street; they were designed to supplant the tenements with modern fixtures, light, and air. They were affordable too, only $16 a month per room. Silver’s dad put all the kids’ diplomas up on the living-room wall. “Whenever we had a guest, he would show them the wall and say, ‘Now how do you like my $100,000 wallpaper?’”

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Dream Meme

How Quickly They Forget

Thanks to It was all a meme, I just stumbled on this crazy little tidbit. On April 10th, Trumbull College claimed to have hosted its first ever poker tournament!

I take this as a personal affront, having been the organizer of multiple tournaments, including the Peter A. Fabrizio Memorial Classic, which is even mentioned on our good friend Alex Jacob's Wikipedia page. And I can't even imagine what the other more legitimate founding fathers of Trumbull poker, such as Joe Yrigollen would think. How could Master Henrich not mention this to the new organizers?!

The Trumbull table has produced three well-known on and offline players (Ariel and Vanessa are the others), along with countless recreational poker stars, yet it has been forgotten less than two years after everyone's graduation. Depressing.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

I, for one, welcome our robot overlords

In re-thinking things tonight I realized that robots will not kill ALL humans. They will keep some humans alive as zoo creatures, so that robot parents can take their robot children to observe us wasting time on the internet, playing squash, and smoking doobies while watching TV on the couch at Tom, Ilan, and Ariel's place. All the things that make us human.

Monday, June 02, 2008

A very BeRiched Wedding

The paparazzi were everywhere this weekend and they seem to have an insatiable appetite for BeRiched poses.


They even followed me into Crate & Barrel!

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Great Scott

Back to the Future clock tower and courthouse square destroyed in Los Angeles fire. A sad day indeed.

Friday, May 30, 2008

You could be my intern...

Dream:

Me: Can you get me some coffee, please?
[Intern comes back with piping hot coffee]
Me: I don't drink coffee. Pour that out in the sink. Do NOT drink it.

Reality:

Me: Want some coffee?
Intern: Sure, I'd love some. But I really don't like those K-Cups, can you get me something from Starbucks?
Me: No problem, do you want a marble loaf as well?

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

An old chestnut

Turns out one of my favorite lines from Portnoy's Complaint is used in the "Wiktionary" definition of "shikse."

My father…and a shikse? Can’t be. Was beyond his ken. My own father – fucked shikses? I’ll admit under duress that he fucked my mother…but shikses? I can no more imagine him knocking over a gas station.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Now I Know the Feeling

After walking around Chelsea for 45 minutes with my SeamlessWeb shirt on, I realize what attractive girls must go through every day! The staring at my chest, the subtle turnarounds...all the moves were on display.

High Fidelity of Jackson Heights

The scene: Music store in Jackson Heights

The players: Two young white guys, Five older Indian gentlemen

The story:

White Guy 1 (who knows his music): Hey, I was wondering if you could help me find a recording from an old Indian movie.
[He starts humming the tune and after a few bars, one of the Indian gentleman breaks into song and has a moment of great understanding, which is followed by the same from the rest of them. White Guy 2 is clueless.]
Indian Gentleman 1: Oh yes, yes, we know this song. It's by [Indian singer].
[All Indian gentlemen start rummaging through individual CDs and box sets, muttering occasional things in Hindi to each other while pointing at the CDs. Five minutes pass like this. At this point, it becomes clear that they have completely abandoned the original search and are looking at unrelated compilations.]
White Guy 1: So any luck over there?
Indian Gentleman 2: Oh yes, we have very very good songs for you.
White Guy 1: How about my song?
Indian Gentleman 2: Oh yes, Jagjit Singh box set.
White Guy 1: Ok, that's not gonna work...
White Guy 2:...but can we get this Kabaddi DVD?

Monday, May 26, 2008

Photo Quiz

Is this Queens or Grand Theft Auto?


Note both the name of the coffee shop and the name of the frozen yogurt (Parksberry)...

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Yet another reason to VOTE OBAMA

He would consider getting rid of the penny!

I know that he probably wouldn't actually do it, but it's amazing that he would even say it.

News Flash

From the latest Bill Simmons column:

Hey, just because the Mavs are long gone from the playoffs doesn't mean we have to stop making Josh Howard jokes, right? Can we call the 2008 Mavericks team video "Howard and Kumar?" Do you think he ever tried to get Shawn Bradley high? Has Visine approached him about becoming its new endorser yet? Does he own a 7-foot bong that he named "Desagana?" How many times do you think he toked up with a teammate, then fell over in hysterics imitating Avery Johnson's voice? And can ESPN organize a Josh Howard roast so I can stand on a dais and make these jokes as someone like Jerry Stackhouse keels over in hysterics and does the slumped-over-and-pounding-the-table routine?
Hey Bill, my detective instincts tell me that there are probably a few other NBA players who smoke pot also...just a thought...

Monday, May 12, 2008

Taboobama

Turns out Barack is a fan of one of the best party games around:

And on a personal note, Obama recouped a bit of his strut, the streak of supreme self-confidence that appeared to dim as he slogged through some of the toughest weeks of his campaign. He made a rare attempt to connect with reporters, playing a late-night game of "Taboo" on his campaign plane.
If his name came up as a clue, you could NOT say "2008 Democratic Party Nominee for President."

Hat tip to Dan.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

New Apartment

Pros: I'm free!

Cons: Where are the bagels, cereal, milk, clean laundry, forks, and bowls? And why are people charging me money for stuff like cable TV, electricity, and rent?

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Get a haircut and get a real job

At the Yale Club barber shop yesterday, I was waiting for the barber with an old man.

OM: So, what do you do, young man?
Me: I work for a company called SeamlessWeb that helps people order food online from restaurants. You do everything on the computer so you don't have to pick up a phone.
OM: That sounds like a good idea, the phone is such a nuisance. But wait a second, you're telling me that you went to Yale so that you could work there? You could have gone to community college!
Me: But you don't understan--

Enter barber.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Mario Kart Wii

Was kickin' it in Best Buy for a bit on Sunday when I saw a demo of the new game set up. A woman had just finished playing poorly so I picked up the steering wheel and took over for the next race. In my first try I faced one of the more daunting courses, Wario's Gold Mine, a roller coaster ride with no guardrails. Needless to say I struggled like I was playing the Rainbow Road in Super Mario Kart and things got ugly for me fast. At the end of the race, one of the employees (who had been watching the whole time while distractedly helping people (like telling my mom where to find Photoshop)) said, "Ouch, you didn't even place. Not a good ride."

Taken aback I replied, "It was tough to get used to, and that course was no joke. But, lemme see how it's done."

The employee took the wheel, re-started the game on his terms and proceeded to easily finish in first place. Thing was, he did it on 50cc on Shell Cup (the easiest settings!). Did he think that he was fooling me? I took the wheel right back and proceeded to easily win two races myself, all the while with him saying "Don't jerk the wheel" in my ear any time I made the slightest turn.

All in all a strange experience.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Meme Dream

Dan and I are with a group of people on a tour in a tropical destination near the beach.

The tour leader is discussing mediocre memes and we are bored.

Tour Leader (speaking to the brothers Berger): "Fine, I'll destroy a perfectly innocent meme and we'll see what you think then! See that Lincoln penny sitting on that girl's beach towel for good luck? I am gonna pick that up and throw it into the ocean."

Tour leader throws the penny into the ocean.

Dan and I look at each other, smile and say, "NOT A MEME!"

Friday, April 25, 2008

Give me a Smith & Wesson, I'll have niggaz undressin'

No, really.


This picture is from the Fall, but I had been meaning to post it for awhile. See below for the results of some of my target practice:


Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Changing an old canard

People always talk about great stories (getting arrested for public urination) and moments (first hand job from a prostitute) that they can't wait to tell their kids and their grandkids about one day. Well I'd say that it's about time that we admit to being excited about telling our robots (first our robot servants, then our robot overlords) about these little miracles.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Come to Mama

Funny, this is exactly how I want to be photographed for the Delino swimsuit issue:

For a photo to accompany this article, his publicist, Pamela Johnston, suggested the following: “Layfield in a beach chair, wearing a suit and tie on the top and swim trunks on the bottom. N.Y.C. skyscape in background. Cabana girl serving him Mamajuana Energy on a silver tray.”

Read more about the potentially incredible effects of Mamajuana (sounds suspiciously like...) here.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

The Sign of a True Patriot

I have set all of my clocks to automatically skip the time 9:11 both times that it occurs every day. It's just too soon to deal with the emotions that come up when I see those digits. So 9:10 always becomes 9:12 and I can glance at my clocks without worrying about my day being ruined.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Catching up is hard to do

After being on vacation for a week, then having to do a lot of stuff at work and then go on jury duty I have fallen very far behind on my Google Reader. Can someone please make a new feed of the best of my friends' shared items? I'm not sure whether finding an apartment or getting caught up on Google Reader is more stressful.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Is there something in the water?

Or maybe they are just having too many babies over in India...

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

In case you were curious...

This is what a medium rare steak looks like at Luger's.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

I woke up early on my born day...

I'm twenty-five, yes I made it, I beat Contra this morning,
a bet you should have faded. Squash at the YC, Tang Pavilion for lunch,
MoMA in the afternoon, catching an Italian movie on a hunch.
Ended up at Luger's, where steak is the thing, a rare treat of meat
and a meal fit for kings, or just another birthday for the Berger twins.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

April Fool's Day

Basically it just gives everyone a good excuse to do something mean and then say "April Fool's!" Now if only I could think of something mean to do...

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Hola chicos y chicas

A LOT has happened on this trip down to good old Argentina...but I don´t have time to tell you about it now. As I sit here, the sounds of honking horns and clinking pots and pans is incessant because of the huge strike going on down here. Tomorrow brings a day trip to Uruguay, so we´ll see how things develop.

Luckily I haven´t been affected at all by the beef shortages...yet.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

It's all in the family

A few people must have read my last post about cast members from The Wire being at the HBO Shop and found out about today's event because the line was much longer and the crowd was much whiter (j/k!). While waiting on line a black guy walked by and said: "Why are you all waiting on line to see some TV characters who sell drugs? Just come up to my hood and you can see it live! We shoot each other too." The little girls in front of us (Berger père, mère et moi) said that they too had drugs in their neighborhood.

Once we got inside and got over the panic of realizing that the posters were all sold out, we got two of the last three Wire books, and set out to get them signed by Omar (Michael K. Williams), Carver (Seth Gilliam), and Marlo (Jamie Hector). I convinced my mom to ask Omar to sign "It's all in the game," but HBO said no personalization. So when she asked, he said "No" and she was crushed...until he flashed that big smile and changed his mind, bringing much joy to our little enclave of fandom. Next, my dad told Omar that he was "the best gay, black stick up artist on television," to which Omar replied that he was the ONLY one. Finally, I snuck in and got Omar to sign "Man's gotta have a code" and all was well in the world.

My dad congratulated Carver on making rank, I told him that I loved his story arc and then I was face to face with Marlo for first time since January. As he was signing my book, he looked over my shoulder and said: "Is that your father?" To which I replied: "Yeah, is it that obvious?" Marlo finished: "The resemblance is there no doubt."

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Get those old folks off the road

This is not "odd," it's actually logical and I would expect it to appear on an econ blog, not on the "Oddly Enough" ticker in my Gmail. Basically, for those too lazy to read the link or the title of this post, Japan is offering incentives to people over 65 to get them to give up their drivers' licenses. This makes a lot of sense and I have been arguing for this for years. I think that there should be a re-testing mechanism in place as well, but overall I really like this idea. A car in the wrong hands is a death machine, so the fewer death machines on the road, the better.

This problem of old people on the road was most forcefully driven home for me when an elderly driver drove into the lobby of my hotel at the Fashion Mall in Ft. Lauderdale sometime in the late 1990s because he or she could not tell the difference between the gas and the brake pedals.

Eric, you're welcome for the gratuitous Florida reference...I hope you enjoyed it.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Destructive Behavior

I really hate it when people hold open subway doors during rush hour. The worst offenders are people who do it as a favor for someone else, thinking they are doing a good thing. In reality, they are delaying hundreds of other people! Classic tragedy of the commons?

Thursday, March 13, 2008

There's still hope

The fact the Times would even mention the idea of Romney as VP should excite all of us! Mittmentum is growing...

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Respek

I've gotta give it up for Spitzer, at least his prostitute was pretty attractive.

Update:

Here's one of his potential van der Sloots, and here is another (for some reason I can't find the front page of the paper anywhere, but if you look at the top stories here, her picture is there). Here's even more info about the mysterious "Kristen."

Monday, March 10, 2008

Thank Goodness The Wire is Over!

Just wanted to get your attention (yes you, Eric). It's a sad day for television (and me), so as AG suggested, I'll just try and get fixated on something else soon.

If you've seen the ENTIRE series, check out this interview with David Simon.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Blogger in Draft

I know that this has been out for awhile, but I'm just starting to use it. SICK! Check out the new search bar!

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Replying too quickly

Like many of my peers, I am constantly on e-mail (work, personal, iPhone). Most of the day, as soon as I get something, I know about it. But sometimes when I respond too quickly I feel sort of weird and pathetic for being so fast, like I was just waiting for this e-mail and I had to respond to it immediately, even when that wasn't the case. I still do it all the time, although sometimes I wait, without much rhyme or reason. Do other people feel this way too?

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Everything good comes from The Wire

At least it seems that way. Behold the genesis of Stuff White People Like:

TAN: How did SWPL get started? Take us through the moment of inspiration, white people love knowing that. Behind the Blog, DVD Extras etc.

SWPL: IM conversation. about The Wire. simple as that. my friend declared he didn't not value the opinions or trust anyone who did not watch The Wire. we said "they don't watch because they are too busy doing yoga" and it just spit balled from there. or snowballed. fuck it, it just grew from there.

I just said blog time and up it went.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Progress

It's the small victories that count in the global fight against internet addiction:

After Chang-hoon descended, he said, “That was better than games!”

Was it thrilling enough to wean him from the Internet?

“I’m not thinking about games now, so maybe this will help,” he replied. “From now on, maybe I’ll just spend five hours a day online.”

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Monday, February 25, 2008

New York Times Gaffe!

Check out the winner for Best Picture:


Note: This is also an excuse for me to show all my readers what I have on my Firefox Bookmarks Toolbar...

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Underappreciated

Yale plans to expand:

“If you’re ever going to expand, this is the right time to do it,” [Roland] Betts said, citing Yale’s robust health as an institution at this point in its history. “You have an unbelievably precious resource here called the Yale education, and you sort of have a duty to provide it to as many people as you possibly can.”

It's funny though, because the way Betts feels about a Yale education is the way I feel about Delino blog posts.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Growing Up

I met a guy (of seemingly similar age) last night who introduced me to the girl on his right as his wife. After laughing to myself for a few minutes, I realized he was serious.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Nice Parking Spot Tom

Spotted outside the Yale Club:


Although the explicit reference to the number of Africans you hope to murder in your lifetime is a little gauche.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

I should have seen this coming

Last night I had a dream about my parents taking the kids from The Wire (Michael, Namond, Randy, Dukie) on a trip to China.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The writers are coming, the writers are coming

Yes, they're back and here's when all your favorite shows will be back. This is all well and good, but before we get too excited, let's remember that most of these show suck. I was actually sort of happy drifting along and catching up on old shows. Of course if The Wire had been delayed, things might have been different...and Lester has a job again which is cool. So on the whole it's good I suppose, just not as amazing as people think. Sort of like everything.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

What the Hell Happened to Me?

From March 2004:

At the all-student game in the basement of Trumbull College, the action is no-limit hold 'em with blinds of fifty cents and a dollar. On the evening of November 12, the competition at the too-small hexagonal table was sufficiently talented to relieve me of $290 in less than three hours. Alex Jacob. Richard Berger. Ben Morris. Remember these names, pokeristas. Beware the Trumbull game, fishes. Mr. Berger, a skinny, bearded junior who as a freshman had won a one-table satellite against touring pros Daniel Negreanu and Allen Cunningham, raked three good-sized pots I was in; he also laid down pocket jacks when I flopped a straight against him, even though the board was 8-high. Berger and his pals may have had Swahili folklore or Kantian epistemology papers a week overdue, but these guys could play.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

No More Conservative Choice

It's the end of the road for Romney. Sadly he did not have enough Mittmentum. At least we'll always get to remember him asking "Who let the dogs out?" and talking about "bling bling"...

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Taboo Clue

The word is "shoot" and I say: "What I will do to your daughter's calf muscle."

Monday, February 04, 2008

Giants Win! Third Avenue Celebrates!

A mini-Giants rally broke out at 34th and 3rd last night after the win. There was the requisite flashing girl, the 18-1 chants, toilet paper everywhere, and of course, plenty of police. Not enough burning cars though, Detroit is still the ultimate riot town.


The aftermath:

A lone Patriots fan:

It felt great to savor my first major sports championship as an adult.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Too much excitement

AG and I just had the pleasure of "walking through the garden" with Lester, Marlo, Chris and Sydnor...unreal. Now we each have Marlo-signed posters. Mine says "It's my turn to wear the crown" while AG's is "You want it to be one way...but it's the other way."


And then we had Chinese food lunch specials. What an afternoon...and watching the debate tonight with Dan...this is too much stimulation for one day!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

A Dark Day

The Doodle is no more. I don't know where I will get my butter fix next time I'm in New Haven. The place shall be missed dearly. But maybe there is hope if some wealthy alumni (like Al) step in and save the day...

By complete coincidence I wore my Doodle t-shirt today.

Update: New York Times piece on the Doodle.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in

It shocks me to say this, but last night's episode of The Simpsons was actually pretty funny. The highlight of course was a somewhat obscure Back to the Future reference that I loved (obvi).

(Homer is playing in Nirvana-style grunge band concert)
Guy on Phone nearby: Kurt, Kurt, it's Marvin, your cousin...Marvin Cobain. You know that new sound you're looking for? Well listen to this.

Winter X Games

These supposedly "extreme" contests still award winners with Gold, Silver, and Bronze medals. How mainstream.

I propose instead that the third place finisher gets an eighth of weed, the second place finisher gets a gram of cocaine, and the first place finisher gets a hooker and an eightball.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Official Not About Marquis Grissom Endorsement

Everyone's doing it these days, so I figured that I had to trump them all with my influential voice.

Not About Marquis Grissom is officially endorsing Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination. Finnegan is recommended as his running mate.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Back in the Saddle

The boys from Huge in Asia are at it again with a brand new music video, but this one is completely made in America. Sit back, relax and enjoy the smooth sounds of "Give Me Your Heart in San Francisco":

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Whirlwind Day

I wake up this morning (after a sleepless night of debate watching) desperate to read spin. Then the Fed cuts interest rates by 0.75 %! Then Heath Ledger dies.

Oh boy.

I'm a little confused

This is an admittedly simplistic reading of the situation, but there's something I just can't help but be annoyed by throughout the political campaigning that has been going on recently.

Why exactly is it a bad thing that candidates have evolved and changed their opinions in some ways on certain issues? Isn't the obsessive ideological bent exactly what people (rightly) hate about George W. Bush? He has one viewpoint that he adheres to and never changes his mind. Hasn't anyone ever read Emerson (and yes I know that there are pithy quotes to support everything under the sun)?

Constantly changing your mind about major issues or changing your mind specifically to pander to voters (Mitt-ster I'm looking at you) is a bad quality. But the ability to carefully analyze a situation and change your opinion should be a quality that we look for in a leader, not something that we demonize.

Heck, I swore off South Park for two or three years at one point and now I think it's one of the greatest comedy shows ever made. You see...people can change.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Changing Banners

So this is how they do it for those ones on street lamps:

Stolen Shtick?

This article about why young people don't get involved enough with politics hits too close to home for me:

And the thing is we do care, our generation, we really do. It’s just that we got a Wii for Christmas and we absolutely have to beat “Super Mario Galaxy” before we do anything else.
And:
How are we supposed to find the time to protest when HBO just put the next episode of “The Wire” on demand?

Friday, January 18, 2008

Question

Why are so many diners owned by Greek people? Does anyone have answers for me?

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Sick Pride/Irrational Perfectionism

It really irks me when there are ANY typos, formatting issues, etc... with websites that I am working on (e.g. this blog, Eat Richly, or my work web site). I always try to fix these mistakes ASAP. Even though I am sure that there are other mistakes out there and this sometimes prevents me from dealing with larger, more important issues, I slavishly correct minor errors as quickly as I can. Character flaw?

Sunday, January 13, 2008

On Notice

Patriots fans, consider yourself warned about the Billy Volek experience. This is the man who once put up back-to-back 400+ yard games and led my fantasy football team to a title. He means business and could potentially end the perfect season. You heard it here first.

Oh, wait, he lost both those games...

Friday, January 11, 2008

I'm not the only one

Quick: What's the first thing that you want to do right after you get a haircut?

If you're me (and at least one friend of mine), the answer is go to a sink or shower. Basically do anything to muss up my hair and make it feel normal again. Apologies to my barber, who spends a lot of time making sure that my hair is parted and combed correctly...

Thursday, January 10, 2008

It's like a Maury show episode

Instead of appearing on TV, it just got written up on the internet. A woman needed some extra money and a man needed some extra sex. Imagine if he hadn't recognized her:

Him: I've gotta warn you, I'm into some pretty kinky shit.
Her: More like 3 seconds and a cloud of...
Him: Do I know you from somewhere?

Zing!

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

To my adoring fans

For some reason, I rarely know how to respond to compliments. Should I compliment the complimenter? Should I just say "Thank you"? So remember this next time I seem awkward responding to your compliment of me. But whatever you do, NEVER stop complimenting me.

Friday, January 04, 2008

So this is why people do crack

A former Washington Post crime reporter discusses his own demons. This is a description of his first experience with crack (emphasis mine).

She loaded a small chunk of crack, less than half the size of an M&M, onto the mesh. She produced a lighter, brought the pipe to her lips and the flame to the filter. She inhaled, and white smoke coursed through the pipe, which she handed to me.

The rush hit me in two or three seconds and literally knocked me back two steps. It was as if a euphoria bomb had exploded in my brain. Imagine the most physically rapturous moment of your life, multiplied exponentially, and you might get close to the feeling.

I wobbled but stayed on my feet. I looked at the woman. She asked if I was okay. I said, "Wow."

That was my first hit.