Thursday, March 09, 2006

Parental Control

Inspired by Mulatto Jesus, Dan and I just watched an episode of this show and we loved it! More good reality TV. After so much wrong, there is finally so much right. I will spare you all the details of the episode (except for the fact that the mom's broken English made things much funnier), but I will tell you what happened at the end. As is customary, Jamie (the boy) was discussing his dates and his final decision. He had narrowed things down to his current girlfriend Natalie and his potential new girl, Brianna. After discussing the pros and cons of each girl, he said, "This has been really hard, but I've made my decision and I choose..." and then the DVR recording ended! Dan and I fell off the edges of our seats and then started crying. Who did he choose? Has anyone seen this episode? Can you shed some light on the situation?

(I am going to do some research, but I am really relying on the rest of the blogosphere to help me out here.)

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The Onion does it again

A great new article here about Iraq. Although I have been preaching the importance of semi-violent behavior for years regarding my relationship with Dan.

In other news, despite doing very well myself, I was somewhat humbled by the play of an Asian pop-a-shot machine (and another man who may or may not have been homeless, but he sure knew how to bank those shots in). At least I saw how good he was before I started shooting, so I wasn't overly cocky.

Finally, I am going to Peter Luger Steak House tonight. I'll try to bring you back some Channukah gelt.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Simply incredible

Not much else to say about this family that walks on all fours.

Nut graf (as others might say):

"The five are all mentally retarded. Their mother and father, who are closely related are believed to have handed down a unique combination of genes which result in the behaviour."

White Men CAN Jump

Or at least they can shoot. And be excellent college basketball players.

Entertaining Television

Last night showed me that there is still hope in reality television. Specifically in the form of Deal or No Deal and Pros vs. Joes. I blogged about Deal or No Deal before I had ever seen the show. Now that I have seen it, I have enjoyed it a lot. The game itself is pretty interesting, but proper strategy is always skewed by the fact that the amounts on offer mean way too much to the people playing. But this just makes the viewing experience more fun when you watch someone turn down $150,000 because she has a 1 in 4 chance of $400,000. And then she ends up with $5 (instead of taking the deal like she should have). The people are what make the show, as the contestants are mostly hilarious. They really ham it up for the cameras and I admit that I find it a pleasure to watch (although at this point I fast-forward through a lot of the briefcase choices.

Pros vs. Joes hooked me from the beginning with the introductions of the professional athletes. I was very impressed with the quality of players willing to appear, including none other than Jerry Rice, the greatest football receiver of all-time, who is now obsessed with reality television. Other athletes on the first episode were Dennis Rodman, Matt Williams, Goldberg, and Jim McMahon. But Rice stole the show, entering the locker room sounding like "The Ladies Man," and going on to verbally and physically (on the football field) abuse the Joes. Rice has totally reinvented himself in my eyes, and I think he's been highly entertaining so far. I always equated Rice with Michael Jordan in a sense as the perfect, proper athlete who was always composed. Turns out both guys are way more interesting and more like regular people. Good. There were issues with the format of Pros vs. Joes, but overall it was an incredibly entertaining show. Although I feel that it might be better (and certainly more competitive) if average Joes faced off against top former FEMALE athletes. Food for thought and probably in the works already.

But as much as I like these new shows, nothing will ever live up to Man vs. Beast, the greatest reality show in history, and one that deserves a post in its own right. But I will wait for the third installment to write extensively about it. For now, chew on these morsels about events that took place in the two glorious episodes that were made. A 100m race between a man and a giraffe, followed by a 100m race between the same man and a zebra (Note: The man, Shawn Crawford, later became an Olympic Gold Medalist after beating the giraffe and losing to the zebra. The giraffe and zebra are still eating a lot of grass and leaves). A tug-of-war between a sumo wrestler and a female orangutan (naturally won by the orangutan). And finally, a hot dog eating contest between the legendary Japanese Takeru Kobayashi, and a Kodiak bear from Alaska. Needless to say, the show's producers made this an America vs. Japan match up and the lucky viewers watched a seemingly bored bear demolish the greatest eating machine humanity could offer.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Reaction to the Oscars

After such an incredible celebration of Jews and gays, I figured Brokeback Mountain was even more of a lock to win at last nights Academy Awards. Whoops. I was completely shocked when Crash took home Best Picture. I was even more shocked, however, at how poorly organized the show was as a whole.

In case the producers don't realize this, the awards that people are most interested in are the major awards, especially Best Picture. Yet the telecast spent close to 30 minutes of air time on performing songs that few people have ever heard (although I was very happy that one group, the Three 6 Mafia, got to perform...incidentally they gave the best acceptance speech of the night after their deserved victory for "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp"), and showing montages about film noir and epics that were purely self-congratulatory. Lauren Bacall's introduction to the film noir montage was a total nightmare for everyone involved, as she consistently stumbled through her speech. Dan even wanted to fast-forward past it because he felt so uncomfortable watching it. Then, after all that, the telecast spent about 10 minutes combined on handing out the Best Director and Best Picture awards. This would be somewhat akin to the Super Bowl spending three hours on the halftime show and then fast-forwarding through the game-winning field goal as time expired (and then going off the air before the audience could even understand what had happened). Shameful.

Jon Stewart was solid as host. He definitely got better as the night went on, and I was especially happy that he also noticed the fact that Larry McMurtry was wearing jeans. That was incredible. My favorite parts of the show were the various fake ads narrated by Stephen Colbert. Reminded me of Mr. Show. Well done there. I also thought it was funny when the guy from Tsotsi, winner of Best Foreign Language Film, read the teleprompter out loud. He said, "Time to wrap up. Ok, fine, fine." Don't give away the Academy's secrets! Although it might have helped Lauren Bacall...

Addendum: One final thing that I forgot to mention was the TERRIBLE decision to play music throughout every acceptance speech. People had to fight to be heard over the music, which was horribly distracting. They used to play music when people went on too long, not as soon as they picked up the award!

Addendum #2: From Slate: "In 2037, some media studies major will write an un­der­gradu­ate thesis on the 78th Annual Academy Awards as a tipping point in 21st-­cen­tury pop culture, a critical text of the iPod era, and she will get a B+."

Friday, March 03, 2006

A new angle on WBC pitch counts

Everyone (the three Americans following the World Baseball Classic) is talking about how unfortunate it is that the enforced low pitch counts might deprive viewers of the best possible pitching matchups in this tournament. But what if we think about this another way. Don't pitchers generally get worse later in starts? Could it be advantageous for Venezuela to have Johan Santana pitch 5 innings, Freddy Garcia 3 innings, and Francisco Rodriguez 1 inning? I don't know, but I've thought about this a lot (mostly when I am playing an exhibition in a baseball video game). It seems like an advantage to me...

Am I a Connector?

I'm not sure...but I am sure that my friend Dave is.

Also, I find Gladwell's work to be extremely kindred in spirit to the done in Freakonomics. Which reflects well on both parties. Other people have probably pointed this out before, but I figured that I would say it anyway.

Finally, on a different issue, are you telling me that my buddies in Karachi can't read this blog? What a nightmare!

I don't know why I've never seen this before

Being a big Manny Ramirez fan, I naturally like his website.

And check out this exchange between Bill Simmons and Malcolm Gladwell. Part I here. Part II here.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Schiavo Lives!

At least she still inspires greatness in others.

Good thing...

...I don't have to face these nightmarish working conditions.

The Constitution? Cluttered with Amendments...

Here is a legal document for the masses. When most of you think of J. Howard Marshall (better known as that old, lecherous pervert who married Anna Nicole Smith), you see him as sad, old, and pathetic. But if you read a little more about him, you realize that he was a ruthlessly successful Texas businessman who would stop at nothing to get what he wanted (including legal documents no longer than 1 or 2 pages). Which is how he ended up married to Vickie Lynn Marshall, better known as Anna Nicole Smith (amazingly he had a similar relationship with another stripper named "Lady" Diane Walker ten years earlier). Which is where this story gets even more interesting.

First of all, Vickie only had an eighth grade education. This was evident in her semi-illiteracy. She "has trouble with zeros" and until recently, wrote "25.00" to mean "$2,500." Furthermore, J. Howard later even called her "unteachable." So with a young son and few viable job options, she became a dancer at a strip club (a sad fate for a lot of poor, uneducated women, but they do make a surprisingly high amount of money). She was "lucky" enough, however, to be working the day shift when J. Howard rolled in. She danced for him, he tried to grab her breasts (this is in the document...imagine a sickly 86-year-old at a strip club feebly trying to grab a stripper's breasts...incredible stuff), and a courtship began. He lavished money and gifts on her and she was obviously happy to accept them. But it is fascinating to note that she refused his marriage proposals for three years before finally accepting! She wanted to have her own career first (meaning she wanted to pose in Playboy).

Later, when J. Howard was in the hospital, Vickie "climbed into his bed, exposed her breasts and asked [him], 'Do you miss your rosebuds?'" Six months later, he was dead. I'm not going to bore you with the rest of the money dispute details between Vickie and Pierce Marshall, but I will encourage you to read some of the document for your own amusement.

Shameless self-promotion

Look at me, look at me (at the end of the article)!

Also, Spamalot was clever, well-executed, and funny. Or as Dan said, "Divine."

And this video does a decent job of making fun of Microsoft.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Hammer Time!

An incredible discovery here. MC Hammer has his own blog. I thought that it was a hoax...but it seems to be real.

Meeting Squash superstar Jonathon Power

After watching Gregory Gaultier's brilliant upset of defending champion Anthony Ricketts in the Tournament of Champions last night at Grand Central Terminal, I turned around to see none other than Jonathon Power standing a few feet away from me.

After watching him absolutely obliterate his countryman Matthew Giuffre 11-1, 11-0, 11-1 the night before, I decided to approach the Canadian professional.

Me: Just wanted to say that I was very impressed with your play last night.
Power (smiling): Thanks so much.
Me: So, you have any tips for a mediocre squash player?
Power (chuckles, thinks about how absurd it is for me to call myself mediocre): Just make sure you always play within yourself. (Or something like that.)

What should have happened:
Me: So Jonathon, what do you think about that picture they have of you at the Yale Club? You know the one that they show people in order to make sure that they wear goggles?
Power: Um, what are you talking about?
Me: The picture where you clearly just got nailed in the face by a squash ball...why wouldn't you wear goggles when you play now?
(beat)
Power: Alright, alright you got me, that was a promotional picture that Louis and I made together. I never got hit in the face. But it has you wearing goggles, right? Oh yeah, and next time you go to the YC can you ask Louis how his junk is? Tell him mine is doing great.

I also could have asked him why he has an "o" at the end of "Jonathon?" Is it a Canadian thing?

On another semi-celebrity note, Wayne Chrebet just walked by my desk with his arm in a sling.