Vegas Celebrity Sightings

Mike Dirnt, Alex Rodriguez, Huck Seed, Jennifer Harman, Johnny Chan.

A-Rod has terrible hair. And Alex took his seat at the 10-20 No Limit game.

It is going to be...

...a long and terrible off-season for Cubs fans. First, the Red Sox finally won for the first time since 1918 last year. That was bad enough, but at least this was a sort of inspiration. Now that the White Sox, cross-city rivals, have won for the first time since 1917, Cubs fans are going to be cursing themselves for a long time...unless they win it all next year...

World Series

Well, it looks like I was probably wrong about the White Sox. However, I believe that part of this has to do with the fact that no team in the majors was that good this season (a final dig at the White Sox...I can't help myself). I will give the Sox credit for having excellent starting pitching and a very solid bullpen, but I still will never totally respect them as a World Series champion.

Also, I just wanted to say how bad I felt for Ezequiel Astacio last night (Dan felt the same way for those curious). I know he's a major league pitcher (barely), but there was no way he should ever have been out on the mound in such an important situation. First, the Astros hitters blew the game too many times with runners on base before the 14th inning. Second, Garner never should have put him in. Clemens with a torn hamstring would have been better, Backe would have been better, I might have been better. This game was a must win and Garner should have known that someone who had a .301 opponents' batting average probably was not going to shut down the middle of the Sox order. By the way, he was lucky on that double play by Ensberg, or else the Astros might have lost 10-5! Third, Astacio was just way overmatched in this situation. It's one thing putting a rookie like Francisco Rodriguez (2002) in the game for an important World Series moment, but a bad rookie who had pitched for one inning in the past month. Bad move, Phil.

Finally, imagine the parlay on Scott Podsednik and Geoff Blum hitting back-to-back game-winning home runs in the late innings of games 2 and 3 of the World Series.

The Lock In/Lock Out

Imagine coming home to your apartment, sticking the key in the door, and failing to get inside. Now imagine that your brother is already inside the apartment, but he cannot get out. The only thing separating Dan and me last Friday was a thin membrane that most people call a front door, but we were really a world apart. At least I had my assistant with me while sitting in the hallway for 45 minutes while Dan was lounging around inside, reading articles on the internet, watching TV, and playing video games all at the same time.

This is what Dan looked like after the locksmith came.

A short story from awhile back

While I was sitting at a poker table in Atlantic City, my fat, disgusting dealer (it was really the dealer, not just another player) said this:

Dealer: Hey guys, take a look over at the middle of the room (beat) Don't all look at once! (beat) There is the hottest girl in the tightest, shortest jean shorts you will ever see. (beat) Alright, I'll be honest with you, I just can't wait until my shift is over, so I can get home and rub one out!

Yes, this actually happened, and I later learned that the woman was a cocktail waitress, a co-worker of this "wonderful" dealer.

What I Learned Today

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle believed in the existence of ghostly spirits. Ectoplasm is a real term. Everyone needs to learn more about Ted Serios.

Sauna Belt

Why would you ever go into a sweaty disgusting sauna again? Instead, you can wear the sauna belt from Velform! People are always uncomfortable inside saunas, trying to read the newspaper, instead just dripping sweat all over it. What you need is the versatile sauna belt. Play ping pong or pool, all while smiling and losing weight!

Listen to this testimonial:

23 Sep 2005 - Anonymous of Florida, USA (known as Tom in the blogosphere) writes:

The product came on a late nite infomercial. I ordered it, during the order they added on something about value plus with a bogus number for cancellation. The product arrives with little to no directions but many ways to buy other items to go along with it. The value plus and the other item has yet to arrive and you get a 30 day free trial before they charge you for it. Its a money racket. You call the number which shows on your bill and they tell you to call the orginal number you called to order the product, they have no clue about the other products. I've used it 10 days straight and haven't lost nothing or sweated, it gets hot and will burn if you don't turn it down and it never fits close enough to do any weight lost.

Oh, whoops. The sauna belt will burn your abdomen (or junk). These other people think so as well. Shocking that a product on infomercials wouldn't work. Absolutely shocking.

Car trouble on the Lower East Side

After driving through about 60 one-way streets (thank goodness for the grid system uptown), my friend Dave and I finally reached our destination, a small electronics store on Canal Street between Essex and Ludlow. We had come to pick up his new TV (the same one that Al over at Delino owns) and we needed a parking spot. As luck would have it, I quickly noticed four women and one man outside of a car looking like they were about to get inside. Dave stopped the car and I got out to ask if they were leaving. What happened next was incredible.

The four women were all Chinese and the man was Hispanic. They were trying to get inside the car, but not in the traditional sense. You see, the woman had locked her keys inside and was enlisting the man's help to try to jimmy the lock from outside with a piece of metal shaped like a ruler. He was having little success, so she called me over and asked if I could help. After the idea of getting robbed passed through my head, I agreed to try to break into her car. I struggled for a little bit, thought I almost had it, then failed.

Chinese Woman: "Wait a second are you Jewish?"
Me (laughing): "Well, yeah, you got me."
CW: "Ah, ok, I was trying to get an amigo. Amigos (she means Hispanic people) are really good at breaking into cars. (slightly hushed now) You know they have so much practice and stuff."

Luckily, another parking spot opened up right behind her car and we took it. But in the meantime, I noticed her ask another Hispanic and a black man, both clueless as to her prejudices or how to address her needs. She finally gave up and called a locksmith of sorts (who also tried and failed to jimmy the door with that piece of metal). I also learned once again that Asian people are generally even more racist than other people.

Good thing Dan and I don't have white supremacist parents...

...or we could have turned into these little monsters.

For more info.

The wonders of the Dalton School

In looking through my old yearbook, I stumbled across the Dream/Reality section and was amazed and amused by what I found.

A Dream/Reality is supposed to be funny, but not too mean, and tell you something about a person's false aspirations and harsh reality.

For example, here is a current one for Dan:
Dream: CEO of a Fortune 500 Company
Reality: CEO of a blog that gets 100 page views a day

Here is what I found in my yearbook:

Peter Garson-Rappaport (wealthy white boy)
Dream: 1095 Park Avenue
Reality: 325 West End Avenue

Odarkor Lamptey (black girl with family from Ghana)
Dream: Harlem
Reality: Newark

Can you think of other Dream/Reality pairs for bloggers and other people?

A couple of articles

This one was in The Economist a few weeks ago, but this article perhaps goes into a little more detail about these maps.

And marathoners...be careful when you grab that water from the sidelines.

Little League

The green grass, the blue skies, the innocence of it all, and of course the classic NES game. Billed by some (e.g. me) as a "smaller" version of the even better Baseball Stars, Little League Baseball: Championship Series has all the essentials to make sure that you enjoy your gaming experience. Great touches include the ability to play as teams from around the world (from Puerto Rico to Chinese Taipei to Italy to a host of American cities), pitchers often being excellent hitters, and unlimited substitutions (that's right, you can take a pitcher out of the game, then put him back in at a later time...and even replenish his energy). But the best part of the game is what happens when one of your little tykes hits the ball out of the yard. Feast your eyes on this:


This game knows what all good bloggers know as well...it's always about getting the pussy.

A Joyous Day

I just got my Nintendo Entertainment System fixed today for a mere $25. The new 72-pin connector has all the classics working beautifully.

Meeting with the Cowbell Man

A fixture at Shea Stadium, but little more than a hispanic guy with a mustache to me, I was skeptical when Dan pointed him out to me in a bar on Third Avenue last week.

Dan: "That's him, that's the Cowbell Man!!" (for more info on this linked incident)
Rich: "I dunno Dan, a lot of people wear Mets hats and shirts all the time. I wouldn't be so sure."
Dan: "Alright Rich, you're probably right, but just in case...Cowbell!!!"

Of course, as it was him, Cowbell Man (search for cowbell on this page) immediately turned around and got up in our faces because he knew that he had found a couple of fans.

It's rare that I have ever seen anyone more excited to be recognized. Even more amazingly, Dan and I noticed that he was holding a small duffel bag, the contents of which he was only too happy to reveal. Dan asked if he could touch it, and Cowbell Man did him one better, allowing Dan to hit the famous cowbell exactly three times.

Now what makes this encounter particularly interesting is the fact that this happened in mid-October, when the Mets season had already been over for two weeks. So, despite this fact, the Cowbell Man was still wandering around the city in nearly full costume with his cowbell. Apparently his real name is Eddie and he works with NYU as a dietician. He recommends a steady diet of hot dogs, beer, and cracker jack in order to stay in peak physical condition. Also, he has been to every Mets home game since 1964 and he stitched the letters COWBELL MAN and the number 10 onto his jersey himself.

Alas, after ten wonderful minutes of conversation, he had to depart and cheer up the lives of other spoiled 22-year-old Mets fans in other bars on Third Avenue.

But he did tell me to make sure that mlb.com did an article about him for mets.com. At least I blogged about him.

Oh those clever subway artists

Look what they've done now to the kid from Two and a Half Men.

Finally...

...Allan Houston has retired.

The future is now

I went to Digital Life today. Sonic the Hedgehog was there too.


And Mr. Met.


It was quite a spectacle. Nerds came from around the world and wore free light-up key chains from many different software companies around their necks.

Then, of course, there were the video game players. These men (and they were all male, although some were closer to being boys), take "gaming" extremely seriously. I was lucky enough to watch the number one and number four ranked Counter-Strike teams square off in a series of epic fake battles between terrorists and counter terrorists. Each battle lasted about one minute. If only these "soldiers" were really fighting our wars for us.


In this picture, I was able to capture these brave souls in action while their coach looked on and prepared to take notes. Do you think he makes them run drills in practice? Like maybe the three-man weave? And does he make them stay in good physical shape? You wouldn't think that was necessary for a video game, but you never know. Either way, at least these guys are the best in the world at something (even though they were losing when I was watching).

On a related note, I actually am a technology geek of sorts, so check out this incredible article. (Hint: It will look something like the USA Today in Minority Report.)

Also, I cannot wait for this. (I plan on buying XBOX 360 and Nintendo Revolution, skipping out on PS3.)

Well...

...the White Sox are going to the World Series. I definitely didn't see that coming. Turns out their pitching is a lot better than I realized. I will now eat crow.

An Annoying Trend

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? It is now becoming common practice for people to ask you donate part of your change to some fund when you buy something. It is the ultimate way to raise money for charity, because there is no way that you can keep that money when someone is guilting you into contributing it to a good cause.

For example, when buying sandals at Modell's, this happened:

Clerk: That will be $19.10. Oh, and if you could find it in your heart, can you buy a $1 Jimmy Fund contribution ticket? You can even win cool prizes from Burger King.
Me (clearly wavering): Um...
Clerk: You must know someone who died of cancer...right?
Me: Alright, you got me...here you go. (After handing him a crumpled up $20 bill and a dime, I won free fries.)

And at the movies, they really nailed me. Of course the donation was only 25 cents.

Clerk: $10.75...and your extra quarter goes to Ronald McDonald House.
Me (perturbed): Hey, wait a second.
Clerk: You're telling me that your rich, white, Jewish smarmy ass is not going to donate a measly quarter to help the disadvantaged?
Me: Well, when you put it that way...gimme my quarter back!
Clerk: Too late, it's already in the little house of change.

As you can see, it's not that I don't think people should give to charity, it's just that I don't think that I should be guilted into doing so.

Folders

A few weeks ago I read this article in The Economist. Just before this, I read about Microsoft's efforts to make folders irrelevant for the new operating system, Vista. Google also has Google Desktop, and folders appear to be a thing of the past.

Yet I am making new folders all the time...mostly to organize my pictures and videos. Am I dooming myself to irrelevance? Folders seem like a pretty good way for me to organize my pictures and videos. But if Google doesn't think so, I am probably wrong. Oh well. Maybe I will learn more about this at Digital Life this weekend.

Looks like someone needs a lesson from Tom

"The only thing I'm down on myself is I should have sold it either way," Eddings told The New York Times for a story posted on its Web site Thursday night, a day after Chicago beat the Los Angeles Angels 2-1 to pull even in the best-of-seven series.

Unlike umpire Doug Eddings, Tom is master of "selling" things. For example, there is the old joke where you say, "Yeah, well I'm just hanging out with some of the boys like Rich, Dan, Al, Noah...........AND BRENNER!" No one sells it like Tom. Just as no one sold the Supermarket Sweep scenes like Mia.

In the works

A New York restaurant guide (only restaurants that I have been to). Would people be interested in a New Haven guide as well? This is probably unnecessary, but if the people demand it, I would consider it.

Also, baseball obviously needs to have instant replay. The White Sox, much maligned on this blog, got lucky last night...they may have won anyway, but it should have been in extra innings. Any concerns about replay slowing the game down are absurd. Take out some commercials and shorten the time between innings if that is truly a concern.

For post number 100

Here is a link to a new blog espousing a new theory about those hated Yankees.

Hot football picks

Check these out. My boy Jonathan is a guaranteed winner! Look at his tag line..."fuckin' Vegas senseless[!]"

Extremely funny at the time...

...even funnier in retrospect. Interesting that this article from The Onion says that Alex Rodriguez was the final player to hold out, when he ended up joining the team the very next year, along with Randy Johnson a year later. Yet despite all of these actual signings, the Yankees continue to regress as a team. Maybe there is a god.

Can someone comment?

I mean I assume that my blog is great...but some positive comments would make me feel even better.

This is how I spend my Sundays

I like to go to street fairs and watch people cook meat in a large, cage-like apparatus.

See what I mean?

How great are...

...the San Diego Chargers' powder blue uniforms? These should be worn all the time and I am glad to see them making a comeback. Although I don't really care that much about seeing rappers in throwback jerseys, at least their popularity has encouraged teams to actually wear these jerseys, something that I do like.

What ever happened to Drew Henson?

Once America's ultimate athletic Golden Boy, Drew Henson is now a backup to Tony Romo. Romo, oddly enough, was born two months after Henson in the same city (San Diego), but he and Henson have taken vastly divergent paths to the Dallas Cowboys bench. While Romo toiled in the obscurity of the Ohio Valley Conference, starring at quarterback for Eastern Illinois, but going undrafted out of college, Henson was choosing between playing quarterback for the Michigan Wolverines or third base for the New York Yankees (for awhile, he did both, although his baseball was played in the Yankees' farm system). Of course this was after being named both the best football and baseball player in the country in high school.

After leading Michigan to a share of the Big Ten title in 2000, it probably would have made the most athletic sense for him to stick to football, where his future success appeared to be most certain. But then again, have the Yankees ever offered you $17 million? The real question at the time was whether he might be able to become the white Deion Sanders/Bo Jackson. Turns out he may have more in common with Jason Garrett (for those who aren't sports nerds like me, Garrett was a long-time backup quarterback, mostly playing for the Cowboys behind Troy Aikman).

So what went wrong and why? Well, first of all, Henson couldn't hit a curveball. Despite struggling in the minors, he eventually got a brief chance to show his stuff at the big league level, but the results were not pretty. Then, realizing that he may have been better off sticking to football in the first place, Henson decided to go back. The Cowboys traded the Texans a 2005 third round pick for the rights to the former Golden Boy in hopes that he would become the next Aikman. He started one game last season before being replaced by Vinny Testaverde who then led the Cowboys to victory. Slightly embarrassing for someone supposed to be the quarterback of the future.

Henson is still only 25, so he is not finished yet. And he did make a nice amount of money from the Yankees. But his tale is still a cautionary one. And it tells us how difficult the jump is from college to professional sports. In addition, the example of Drew Henson will lead to even more specialization in sports as players realize how difficult it is to master two such diverse skill sets. Henson couldn't just go back to playing quarterback after three years playing third base, no matter how athletically gifted he is. So rest assured, Deion and Bo, you have secured your places in modern sports history. For example, the most recent Drew Henson-type, Greg Paulus, has given up football to concentrate on basketball at Duke.

The Greatest Game Ever Played (Thailand edition)

Last summer, I spent two weeks in the Land of the Free (the word Thai literally means Freedom, a Snapple cap interprets Thailand as Land of the Free). Two prime summer weeks without golf just would have been too much, so thanks to Joe Boonsiri, I was able to get a tee time on the Royal Thai Army Course in Bangkok. My eightsome consisted of me, Dan, Joe, and Tom Atwood...and our four little Thai female caddies.

That's right, when you play golf in Thailand, you are required to have a caddy. And that caddy is more often than not a small Thai woman wearing a large hat like so. And in addition to carrying your clubs for you, these caddies keep your score for you. Sounds extremely convenient, right? And prevents the gentleman's 7 that Dan is so fond of.

So we went to the 1st tee, each with our own set of rental clubs and our own caddie. After adjusting to the difference between meters and yards (usually about one club different for medium range shots), we were improving as we reached the 3rd tee. Here I took out my driver for the long par 5. I took a big swing and when I made contact, something just did not sound right. And when I looked up, my clubhead was flying down the fairway. It ended up traveling about 50 yards, 20 yards farther than the ball! Naturally, I felt bad about breaking a rental club, but it clearly wasn't my fault. So, after a fit of laughter, I apologized, picked up the clubhead, and re-hit my tee shot with Dan's driver.

I played my second ball in 5 shots, making what I thought to be a nice par, after a difficult start to the hole. But that was when I realized that these caddies meant business. I peaked over at my scorecard, and I saw a big old 7 there. My caddie gave me a penalty stroke! Now maybe she was right under strict rules of golf (see Goldfinger), but I figured that we were playing a friendly game. It was then that I learned one of the most important of life's lessons: No one takes the Rules of Golf more seriously than a Thai caddie.

Oops

So I will eat a big piece of humble pie for the mistake I made in my attempt to predict the outcome of the White Sox-Red Sox series. But my other picks appear to be ok so far. (Except for the stuff about the Red Sox winning the World Series.)

Little Richie has some fun at nytimes.com

First, there is the obligatory 1918 influenza virus article.

Then, of course, there is the article about creationists (idiots) vs. scientists (smart people).

(I can't resist including this paragraph:

Though it did not ask specifically about the global flood or six-day creation, a November 2004 Gallup survey found that a third of the public believes the Bible is the actual word of God that should be taken literally and that 45 percent think God created human beings "pretty much in their present form" within the last 10,000 years.)

Caption: "I defy you to explain how these rocks were formed 'naturally.'" "Well, you see it's a process called erosi..." "You mean, a process called God punishing humanity? Very good then."

And finally, a little something to make sure that there is never another Lance Armstrong in America.

Quite a moment in the animal kingdom

Check out this beast vs. beast story.

The long-awaited Turtle Man video

Here he is folks...the man, the myth, the legend:

The Turtle Man

In case you were wondering...

...we finished in second place in trivia last night. Oh, and this is what I would look like with a moustache:

Uh-oh, it says on the cover

Looks like I made a mess of Day One of the playoffs, but remember, it was only one day.

In other news, I dislike Alex Rodriguez, but I now respect him more after seeing this article. Not so much for playing poker...that would make him just another celeb. But playing poker in a seedy underground club, while being the highest paid player in baseball is cool. Who knows, maybe he played with Alfonse? Or Howie the retard?

Gimme a break...

...there is no way that the White Sox are going to beat the Red Sox in the Division Series. The Red Sox lineup is too good and the White Sox have been overachieving all season. These pundits who think otherwise are just deluding themselves.

So I guess I might as well throw some playoff predictions up here (the Division Series is obviously much easier to predict, although everything is pretty tough...):

Red Sox in 4
Angels in 5
Cardinals in 4
Astros in 4

LCS:

Red Sox in 6
Astros in 7

World Series:

Red Sox in 6 (0 titles for 86 years, then back-to-back? Their pitching probably won't hold up...but if it does...)

Overheard at Shaw's

"I don't know if people from the future would have that problem, so much as people from the past would."

Prizes to the best guesses as to what these baby geniuses were talking about.