A short story from awhile back

While I was sitting at a poker table in Atlantic City, my fat, disgusting dealer (it was really the dealer, not just another player) said this:

Dealer: Hey guys, take a look over at the middle of the room (beat) Don't all look at once! (beat) There is the hottest girl in the tightest, shortest jean shorts you will ever see. (beat) Alright, I'll be honest with you, I just can't wait until my shift is over, so I can get home and rub one out!

Yes, this actually happened, and I later learned that the woman was a cocktail waitress, a co-worker of this "wonderful" dealer.