Retirement Party

No, not mine. Not yet anyway. I'm talking about a party for my co-worker. Now I'm not sure if she's retiring, but she is leaving the NFL and going to Florida, so that's close enough. Here's how it went down:

Everyone gathered in the beautiful and comfortable main conference room. Then people fretted about when the cake was going to arrive. So the slick Italian executive took control. He gave a speech that could have been part of a Friar's Club Roast, talking about how his assistant (the retiree) "always paid great attention to detail. Like the time when I was in Cincinnati and my car was in Louisville!" Then everyone laughed and clapped as we wondered whether she "had worked 8 or 9 years, because that all depended on if you count half-days and days she didn't come in..." Finally the cake arrived and everyone was even happier. But I wasn't in the mood for cake, so I had to awkwardly refuse it from about 5 different people. It would have been easier if I was a girl, or if I celebrated Passover. As it was, I drank a bottle of water so that I would appear less aloof.