The Old Bourbon Street Hustle
This one is an oldie but a goodie from my trip to New Orleans in May:
I was strolling down Bourbon Street with my lady on my arm and a Hurricane in my hand when I was approached by a Negro man who initiated the following conversation:
NM: Hey, that's a nice pair of shoes you got on there buddy (pointing to my fashionable suede Pumas). I bet I can tell you where you got them.
R: Well, thanks for the compliment, but I'm sure you could do nothing of the sort.
NM: No seriously, I am 100% sure about where you got them.
R: Ok, whatever you say. (We inexplicably shake hands...)
NM: You got one on your left, and you got one on your right!
R (chuckle): That's a good one, have a good night sir.
NM: No, no, I don't think you understand my young friend. You owe me.
R: Owe you?
NM: That's right, it'll be 10 for the line, and 10 for the shine. (Next thing I know, he is squirting some gross yellow stuff on my sneakers that is supposed to "shine" them, but in reality just makes them dirtier.)
R (laughing now): Now that is a good joke! Hey Jen, he's back!
NM: So you mean you're not gonna pay me? We just shook hands on the bet...
R: Whoa, we didn't make any bet there...we just shook hands.
NM (becoming more desperate): Alright, alright, you got me...5 for the line, and 5 for the shine.
R (rummaging through wallet for small bills and handing over a $5 bill): Here you go, this is for inspiring a blog post. Now go buy yourself some real shoe polish.
It's me again. I've spent the last 48 hours down in my basement entertainment toom, sunken into my La-z-boy, drinking bottle after bottle of Coors, rewinding a tape of that motheruckin rawhide bouncing off of that fucking foul pole forevermore. Again and again. That moment still exists. AHHH!
ReplyDeleteIn addition, I've been thinking about your moniker for your loverbird. I like how you didn't even bother weening us off her full name like you did on Delino. She's just Jen now. Funny story actually. I told Vin Scully all about the new name! And that's just dandy. Saw Vin Scully at a charity event last night. Well, no. I'm lying. But if I left my entertainment room one day, and got invited to some event, and if Vin was there, and if I wasn't too shitfaced to talk, I'd tell him about the new nickname. And he'd laugh, and shake my hand, and say, "Son, that's remarkable. What a yarn. What a fine yarn."